White coat. Heels.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
