im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
