dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
