My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the condom got lost in my hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
