last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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