Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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