ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize