You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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