Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
