I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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