the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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