I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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