His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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