she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
