Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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