i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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