Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
