I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
