spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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