i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
