Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
