i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
