So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh god it's open bar.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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