2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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