I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's always time for handjobs
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
