oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
