I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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