Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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