You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
