my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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