yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
