can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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