I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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