I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
