I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
