I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
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