I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
