i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
