i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
