Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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