WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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