I wish I could teleport
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
