how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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