she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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