A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
