do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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