when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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