Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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