I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
