Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
