Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
