if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
