We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize