is your mom at the bar?
are you still at the devil's house?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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