masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
