then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
