Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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