My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
