happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
