I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
