Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I deserve this hangover.
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