I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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