my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just cut my nipple shaving
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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