Soap is not a condiment
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
